a letter never to be sent
by and it feels like finally
Summary: 'And now I'm saying goodbye to you forever, Raggedy Man.' / for alice.


A/N - this is for the flawless Alice (felines), as part of the secret santa on the RoseScorpius Fans forum. Merry Christmas! :D.

* * *

Doctor,

Often I question myself in writing these letters that will never get sent. To be truthful, I don't know why I do it, month after month. I guess it's because I can't let go of you, can't believe it's really the end. It's not the end though, not for Rory and I, you have to know that. Our lives here are beginning now; we can't run away from reality any more. In the end, it was just time to stop waiting.

That's all I did, when I was little. Wait for you to turn up again in that magic box, praying the fairytale would come true. And then when I grew up and almost, almost stopped believing - you came back. It seems you always do.

But you can't now Doctor, not if it would rip this city apart (it's kind of our home now, you see). Travel with River, then maybe your timelines wouldn't be so messed up. Or meet someone new, and give them the adventures you gave to us. I can promise you that nothing you'll ever do for anyone will be greater than what you did for me. Giving someone a story to tell, showing them the stars and the worlds between, watching, helping you make all those bad dreams go away: that's the greatest gift of all.

Rory has a Christmas list now, you know. He's seen me write these letters - then put them away in a drawer in my desk - and he told me you'd like to know that. It's different here, Christmas. Then again time travelling makes everything seem different. I'm sure you know that by now, what with all the adventures you've been on in nine hundred years. You make me wonder, Doctor: have you ever settled down, even for a few years? Or is the universe moving too quickly for you to ever stop making sure that tomorrow is okay for everyone, so much so that you don't even get a tomorrow for yourself?

Because when you're a time traveller, every day in history is today. I heard that once from a mad man from a mad planet with a mad box with every mad adventure you could dream of.

But despite whether you would do so, it's time for us to settle down completely. We've tried before, you know that, and look where it got us: into more stories, more fairytales with you. And even the best stories have to come to an end one way or another, through choice or consequence. I don't quite know which one mine was.

What I do know, though, is that it was right. It was right for the fairytale I had dreamed of since I was a child to finish; although none of it went quite the way I planned, I did have my happy ending. And so did Rory, I can promise you that, even if you weren't there to share it with us. Even though you're still not here.

That's why I have to stop this - I thought I'd let go of the thought of you coming back for us, the thought of ever seeing you again, but clearly I haven't. Clearly I'm not going to completely, but I can do my best. There's always a small part of me that thinks that maybe someday you will find these, still in their unsealed envelopes, although I know that it can't happen. Which is why this is the last letter to you I'm going to write.

Despite everything I do though, tonight I'm going to fall asleep in the hope that tomorrow I'll run out into the winter streets of New York (at least it's not as cold here as it was in Leadworth) and see your magic blue box materialising, making that stupid noise because you always leave the brakes on. "Come along, Ponds," I'll hear you shout with that smirk on your face, and then Rory (who'll be watching from the bedroom window) and I will run hand in hand back to have more adventures with you, have the perfect christmas day.

I know you can't, and I beg of you not to. It will only make saying goodbye again harder.

Just try not to do anything stupid, as hard as that may sound. Even though I'll never know, I can't bear the thought of losing my best friend.

And now I'm saying goodbye to you forever, Raggedy Man. All I can say is thank you, and merry Christmas. I'll never forget you, Doctor.

Amelia Willams.

(I can't have anyone else call me Pond any more)


End file.
